


Not Good

by Silvereye



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Post-Reichenbach, high-functioning sociopath, sherlock actually has feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2012-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:16:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvereye/pseuds/Silvereye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes is alive and busy after Reichenbach, but sometimes he wonders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Good

**Author's Note:**

> Sherlock is not a very nice person. But he does feel something.

Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side. It has been two years and Sherlock has to admit these words still stand. He is on the losing side.

He always thought psychosis was never particularly beneficial attribute for anyone, it being emotions in their extreme. Yet it did serve Moriarty well. He was changeable. It is difficult to deduce anything about him. Any hypothesis branches and permutates. 

He is 80% sure Moriarty is dead. He is 62% sure none of Moriarty’s associates care to come after him. The odds are not in his favour.

He wonders what John would say, hearing this (a quote from a film – even if he never actually saw it). He wonders many things. But he cannot know for sure, since returning to Baker Street is impossible for the time being. One thing he does know is that John would try to help him, would throw himself recklessly in harm’s way and this he cannot allow.

He has passed the house several times. He might have glimpsed John once. Most of his information comes from the homeless network and those reports make him feel _something_ , even if he prefers to deny it. It has to be worry. 

Sherlock has to admit he misses John. He is perfectly able to live without him, but it feels empty. No one cares about the mundane necessities he tends to forget every time something catches his attention. No one guards his back. No one says how clever he is.

(He knows he is clever. But it feels... good to have someone affirm it every now and then.)

No one says when he is overstepping some of these arbitrary lines humans like to observe. He remembers the basic rules well enough, but applying them is more difficult and Sherlock knows he is slipping. Only practice makes perfect, but it is hard to practice these days. Besides, no one cares, really. In this new life, no one does.

He does not particularly mind all he has done to demolish Moriarty’s network, but the prospect of this being the entirety of his life until he is old and feeble is not very pleasing.

Sometimes, when he has done the laundry (this tends to be important), collected all the new reports and lies awake in the small hours of the morning, he wonders. How much is he changed when he can return to Baker Street? Can John bear his company? He suffered a sociopathic detective with patience, but this is not what Sherlock will be by then.

John is many things, but he has a good heart in the end. Sherlock... is not one of the angels and in some nights he thinks he can not return to their side. 

He cannot sleep and the questions do not go away.

Who will tell him when he has finally and entirely crossed the line?

Who will tell him when it is, by all measures, not good?


End file.
